I don't always know what my Creator is up to. No, scratch that. I frequently can't fathom at all what the hell She's up to. But I am learning to trust in Her care for me and that She is leading me somewhere. I have also learned that She is not at all above playing jokes on me in the process.
I haven't dated in almost two years. This was by design, and I don't regret the decision at all. Although abstaining from butterflies in the stomach and all the huggy-kissy pooh-pooh was hard, especially at first, there were other things in my life I really needed to pay attention to and get in order. It's been an incredible growing experience and as a result I have a full life and a love for myself rich enough that soon (say, maybe, in another three or four months) it will make sense to share it with someone.
One sign that this time is approaching is that I'm starting to notice the energy of mutual crushlets flowing in my life again. You know, mutual crushlets- like a crush, but mutual, and not as obsessive and senseless.
Back to God. (I was not digressing, although it may have appeared that way.) I have learned from my spiritual elders and from experience that I am on firmest ground when praying only for knowledge of Her will for me and the power to carry that out. In the midst of my recent little crushlet boom, though, I found myself praying, "Okay, besides that will for me and power to carry it out stuff, I really want to know this one girl's name and to let her know that the interest she's maybe been showing is mutual."
Within twenty-four hours I found myself in a situation where I was formally introduced to her. And I stammered out something like, "Oh, uh, I've seen you around but I never knew your name." And then stood there awkwardly without any follow-up. Reviewing this later, I realized that I had received exactly what I asked for- I found out her name and, through being an awkward stammering dork, let her know I kind of liked her.
Ha! I decided I'd been a little too specific in my request. The next time I talked to the Cosmic Babydoll who gives life to us all I backed up from asking for any specific outcome with any specific crushlet and instead asked for something that expressed the general truth of what I want from these situations. I ended up praying something like, "I want to better learn how to give and receive signs of interest and attraction." In short order I found myself on the receiving end of smiles, lingering glances and raised eyebrows. From guys. All weekend long.
Ha-ha-ha! So, God is one funny-assed bitch with a slightly twisted sense of humor. I don't care. I am balls-out in love with Her and this gorgeous, silly, sacred life She has given us.